1 00:00:00,272 --> 00:00:02,855 (somber music) 2 00:00:13,545 --> 00:00:14,540 - But then one day I sat down 3 00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:17,290 and I really thought to myself, even if 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,520 everything figures itself out, 5 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,620 I probably shouldn't be around 6 00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:28,530 because why would someone, remove myself from the setting. 7 00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:32,150 As soon as I thought I was the problem, 8 00:00:32,150 --> 00:00:35,680 I kind of fantasized about the idea of my kids being happy 9 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,050 without me around. 10 00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:40,110 - The video you're about to see a sensitive in nature. 11 00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:41,950 In the past six years the military has seen 12 00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:45,310 the highest suicide rates it has recorded in its history. 13 00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:47,470 These survivors have agreed to speak up 14 00:00:47,470 --> 00:00:50,920 and share their story to help raise awareness to the cause. 15 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,860 Don't be afraid to speak up and ask for help. 16 00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:55,920 If you or someone you know needs help, 17 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,160 there are links in the description below 18 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,110 to resources that are available to you. 19 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,550 - My name is Petty Officer Jeanyra Gaines. 20 00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:11,470 I've dealt with depression from the time I gave birth 21 00:01:11,470 --> 00:01:15,830 to my son, July 20, 2016, up to this moment. 22 00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:17,420 When I first joined the military, 23 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:19,950 I've never experienced mental health issues 24 00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:22,210 or at least didn't know the name behind it, 25 00:01:22,210 --> 00:01:23,640 I didn't know about the symptoms, 26 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:27,420 I didn't know anything that had to do with the mind. 27 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,890 And when you talk about health, you usually think 28 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,950 about physical effects that it takes on you, 29 00:01:32,950 --> 00:01:34,400 the toll it takes. 30 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,470 When I had my son, I didn't like him, 31 00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:42,310 I didn't like to be around him, he made me anxious, 32 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:44,180 he made me sad. 33 00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:47,060 And it went completely against everything that you're taught 34 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,070 in the movies and in the media. 35 00:01:49,070 --> 00:01:51,490 So for the very long time, I thought something was wrong 36 00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:55,430 with me until I was told that there's such thing 37 00:01:55,430 --> 00:01:57,490 as postpartum depression 38 00:01:57,490 --> 00:02:00,470 and that I should give myself some time to really figure out 39 00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:02,550 if it was the blues or the depression. 40 00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:05,630 Six months into it I still didn't like him. 41 00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:07,480 He was beautiful, I loved him, 42 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,600 but I couldn't be around him much. 43 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:13,500 And that's when I started to seek mental health. 44 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:17,480 I started to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist 45 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,400 and I was put on medication, 46 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,930 and also I was seen frequently to just have a place 47 00:02:23,930 --> 00:02:28,930 to vent and let others know how badly I was dealing with it. 48 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,140 There was a lot of guilt dealing with mental health issues 49 00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:34,030 when you're a first time mom. 50 00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:37,830 Everyone expects for you to be happy, and love 'em, 51 00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:42,260 and be ecstatic, and just be (exhales) 52 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:43,920 everything that you weren't. 53 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:48,480 And I didn't give myself any credit because I felt guilty 54 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:52,150 that my son didn't have a mom full-time. 55 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:55,460 I just felt as if everything I was doin' was incorrect 56 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:56,910 and I was a bad mom. 57 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,870 So when I was able to sit down and speak 58 00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:03,410 to my chain of command, after I had my daughter, 59 00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,050 second time around, and finally 60 00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:07,210 with the depression under control, 61 00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:12,150 it was something that drove me to a point 62 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,230 where I felt out of control. 63 00:03:14,230 --> 00:03:19,030 So when my daughter was six months old, 64 00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:24,030 I was taking medication for migraines and for depression. 65 00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:26,670 And the medication had a, 66 00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:29,060 they were both downers and I had no idea. 67 00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:31,060 I was just mixing medication 68 00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:33,340 but those were the medicines that the doctors gave me, 69 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:36,010 so I just took them as I was supposed to. 70 00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:37,160 But then one day I sat down 71 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,960 and I really thought to myself, like, 72 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:39,900 even if 73 00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,130 everything figures itself out 74 00:03:43,130 --> 00:03:48,130 I probably shouldn't be around because why would someone, 75 00:03:49,030 --> 00:03:52,717 remove myself from the, from the setting. 76 00:03:52,717 --> 00:03:54,760 As soon as I thought I was the problem, 77 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:58,290 I kind of fantasized about the idea of my kids being happy 78 00:03:58,290 --> 00:03:59,940 without me around. 79 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,080 And quickly snapped right back out of it. 80 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:07,600 It was something where I was distressed at the time 81 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,040 and I remember my daughter was just laying on my chest 82 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:15,093 and I just cried so much because she, 83 00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:17,720 I really thought that I didn't have 84 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,560 to see her smile anymore, that it's all done. 85 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:24,470 And actually one of the people I work with, 86 00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:25,303 one of the, 87 00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:29,190 one of the people I served on a ship with, 88 00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:33,900 he saw me the next day, he generally asked me if I was okay. 89 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:38,900 And I think at that point was when I decided to really work 90 00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:41,180 on self-care and self-love. 91 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:46,180 I was able to break out of the guilt of depression 92 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:49,380 and just dealt with the problem head on. 93 00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:51,143 So if it wasn't for, 94 00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:55,970 for that petty officer that came across 95 00:04:55,970 --> 00:04:59,960 and literally held my hand as I just cried, 96 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,810 I don't know if I would have been able to get 97 00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:03,850 the actual help that I needed. 98 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:05,300 But the fact that I played with the idea, 99 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:09,160 fantasized about it a bit was enough for me 100 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,290 to get the appropriate help. 101 00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:14,270 When I went to see the physician, 102 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:17,090 he then sent me to a psychiatrist to get the help 103 00:05:17,090 --> 00:05:19,270 that I needed, and ever since, 104 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:22,450 and it's been almost two years, well a year and a half, 105 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:24,820 it's been almost a year and a half. 106 00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:27,320 I had never thought of those things. 107 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,370 They never cross my mind and I'm so thankful 108 00:05:30,370 --> 00:05:33,180 that someone actually came out of their way 109 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:34,760 and held my hand and was like, hey, 110 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,740 something is seriously wrong with you. 111 00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:39,440 Something's wrong with you and you need to fix it. 112 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,540 And when I spoke to him about it 113 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:47,580 it was as if I had nothing holding me back anymore 114 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:51,130 because I was okay with the idea that I needed help. 115 00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,890 And ever since that point, 116 00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:55,440 I've gotten all the help that I need to solve it. 117 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,490 I've gone to a mental health that the Navy provides, 118 00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:01,330 I've gone to physicians, I've gone to support group 119 00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:03,360 from Fleet and Family Support Center, 120 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,340 I've received assistance with the care of my kids 121 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:08,970 because of the Navy. 122 00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:12,670 And because I was able to have such a big support group when 123 00:06:12,670 --> 00:06:15,890 I had a second class consistently sending me text message 124 00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:17,640 making sure that I was okay. 125 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,810 With that support system, I'm not so sure 126 00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,630 that the transition would have been as easy, 127 00:06:21,630 --> 00:06:23,800 and I'm not sure that if I would have even gotten 128 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,330 the help that I needed. 129 00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:29,320 So to me, it's something where mental health 130 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,280 is now so important 131 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:36,190 that it takes priority over anything else. 132 00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:39,010 I make sure that every night I give myself a break, 133 00:06:39,010 --> 00:06:41,910 I forgive myself for whatever it is that I think I could 134 00:06:41,910 --> 00:06:43,290 have done wrong, 135 00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:46,360 and I laugh at the fact that sometimes I don't like my kids, 136 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,010 and it's okay to not like them. 137 00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:52,650 Anytime someone becomes a mother and-or is pregnant, 138 00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:54,830 I become extremely involved in the sense 139 00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,440 that I always ask the mom how she's doing. 140 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,320 I don't ask about the child, I don't ask about the husband, 141 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,030 I just ask her, what are you doing, how are you doing, 142 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,610 and how do you feel today? 143 00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:08,550 Because as a person that dealt with postpartum depression 144 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:11,270 and is now still getting treated for it 145 00:07:11,270 --> 00:07:14,260 it is something that a lot of people forget to ask. 146 00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:17,840 The assumption that this change is automatically good, 147 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,640 is incorrect. 148 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,740 And many of us, when we go through changes, 149 00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:26,120 it affects the way we process everything mentally, 150 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,250 emotionally, physically. 151 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:30,140 And it's very hard to admit to someone, 152 00:07:30,140 --> 00:07:31,970 I am upset because I have a child, 153 00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:34,430 versus I am upset 'cause someone passed away. 154 00:07:34,430 --> 00:07:38,110 The help that I received changed my life for the better. 155 00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:40,260 In a sense that I'm able to bond, connect, 156 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,150 and love my children 157 00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:43,540 and be okay with not liking them sometimes 158 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:45,900 and be perfectly fine and in love with them every day 159 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:46,970 of my life. 160 00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:48,880 And it helped anyone around me 161 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,580 that has gone through big changes 162 00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:55,420 because I understand and I'm doing for others 163 00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:58,470 what was done for me, which is just reaching out 164 00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:01,710 to anyone that has gone through changes 165 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:04,410 in men and women alike. 166 00:08:04,410 --> 00:08:06,710 Mental health gets a bad reputation 167 00:08:06,710 --> 00:08:09,620 because it is something that people understand 168 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:12,650 as why are you upset? 169 00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:14,300 Is a question of why would you be sad? 170 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,300 Why would you be extremely happy at one minute 171 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:20,320 and then the next minute you're upset again? 172 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,060 But you don't ask that to a cancer patient. 173 00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:26,090 You don't ask the cancer patient, why do they have cancer? 174 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,910 You just find a way to help them. 175 00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:31,300 The stigma behind having depression, anxiety, 176 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,800 or any kind of mental health struggle 177 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,070 is something that has to be lifted 178 00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:39,730 because any organ can be replaced except for the mind. 179 00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:42,390 So if it's not healthy, you're not gonna be healthy, 180 00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,840 no matter how hard you try, no matter how you work out, 181 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:49,840 no matter what nutrition, how you change your dietary needs. 182 00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:54,740 Mental health is the most important kind of help 183 00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:58,520 to have always in check because once you're okay mentally, 184 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,530 or once you're okay with yourself and your surroundings, 185 00:09:01,530 --> 00:09:03,640 you're able to solve anything else. 186 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:08,640 But if you're not okay, your kids, your job, 187 00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:10,810 everything falls apart. 188 00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:12,480 So the idea of 189 00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:17,800 not supporting someone that says I am upset, 190 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,190 they don't want to hear but it's gonna be okay. 191 00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:24,300 Ask why and understand that what might trigger you 192 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:27,474 to be completely ecstatic 193 00:09:27,474 --> 00:09:29,670 might be someone's biggest nightmare. 194 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,440 So, and understanding beyond 195 00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:36,450 your personal belief and also normalizing the fact 196 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,890 that many of us suffer from mental health issues, 197 00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:42,420 and we should see it as we see any form of issue, 198 00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:46,533 health issues, and it should be addressed and not judged.